How Meghan made me remember I was playing far too small

On the build up to the royal wedding on Saturday, it is fair to say I was pretty grumpy. I couldn’t quite place why, or what was bothering me. I wanted to go to our local town, Windsor, to watch the event - I wanted to be part of it in some way. But in reality, and bear with my as I am aware how cuckoo I sound, I wanted to actually be at the church. What the fuck eh? Who do I think I am? 

Now in reality I of course know that an invite was not coming my way nor is it ever likely to be do so, but the niggle remained, why was this event triggering me? What was it shining a light on? What did I need to look at?

And I realised. I have been playing way way way to small for a long time. I sit and scroll Instagram growing angry at peers doing amazing things with their coaching businesses; or people on Instagram growing their businesses by gaining large follower numbers and sharing important messages. And I scroll. And that is about all I do. Because I am small. A quarterly blog post is not enough. A fortnightly Instagram post is not enough. And booking networking events, and not attending, so very small. 

I have purpose, that I am so clear on but as yet I am not putting that purpose into practise. Not even 20% of what I know I am capable of. I have a lovely portfolio of clients, I enjoy working with each and every one of them. And that’s great. But it’s not all that I want. 

I want to take the course that I have already half written to loads of mother’s who are stuck after having children; I want to run it as a group coaching programme where women can share amongst each other as I believe so much magic happens there. And I want to write a book - the ideas for which are scribbled in a notebook pushed to one side while household chores take priority. 

I want big-ness and yet I continue to play small. And this I believe is why the wedding triggered me. I want to be part of something bigger that what I am doing right now. I want to reach more people, connect more, share more and have an impact. And since I have realised this, things have changed. I’ve made some big changes to the way I live my life that I am really proud of, and I know are the foundation for all my future plans. I have a plan and it is a plan I am going to deliver on. 

Walking down the aisle, on her own, head held high yet still with humility, Meghan owned the life she was stepping into on Saturday. She has said she is ready. She has not been quiet about the work that she wants to do. She has given up a hugely successful career to commit to things that this new phase of her life calls for. She is driven. She is a feminist. She is inspiring. I am inspired. So for the moment, Beyonce can stand aside as far as I am concerned, my new mantra is ‘What would Meghan do?