I stumbled across this Abraham Hicks quote at the weekend and it hit me in the heart. I love words and I’ve been playing around with various ways to precisely describe why I set up my business. And this is it. Concise and beautiful.
“Content where I am, eager for more” - Abraham Hicks
We can be content where we are, while also being eager for more.
Mother’s can tend to think that contentment and drive can’t go together - "I’ve got my baby, she means the world to me, she is safe and well, I shouldn’t want for anything else." They feel shame for wanting, when they already feel so full. I call bullshit. You can want, you can be eager, and I personally believe that the clarity that motherhood brings, means your focus will take you to better places than ever before.
While contentment can be the end game, I’d wager that few of us could put up our hands and claim it exists in every area of our lives. Identifying where that niggle of discontentment really lies is the core of working out how to move forward. I emphasise the word ‘really’ because it’s so so important to get this right. While momentary satisfaction can be found in many things, it’s rare that a new house, car, losing 10 lbs or a pay rise, will do anything more than temporarily fix something that is really causing discontentment, even pain, in your life. It can take some work to get right to the core and it forms a key part of my coaching.
For many women with whom I do a simple exercise, normally in our first session, career comes out as a clear area they want to focus on - it is there where they are eager for more. But it is far from always being the case. For some women it’s personal relationships or their physical health, for many it is fun. But this is just the first step in mining what is really going on. We go deeper to work out why the area is not satisfying them, working with values to ascertain why and what is is that needs change, rather than applying a sticking plaster.
“In giving birth to our babies, we may find that we give birth to new possibilities within ourselves.” - Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn.
Once we’ve nailed that, we can get focused on the real stuff and this is where, working with mother’s, I see the most outstanding clarity. Becoming a mother does have an incredible way of peeling away the layers and getting really real about desires.
Now you might say if motherhood brings such clarity anyway, why the need for coaching? Because all the emotions and new responsibilities make wading through and finding that clarity so much harder. There is gold there but it can take coaching to shake that pan and reveal it.
To use my own life and career as an example, it became really clear to me that the media world that I lived and breathed, was such a social construct - superficial, commercial and at times even immoral, I needed to get out.
With a bit of work leaning on friends, reading books and soul searching I realised that this world was too far away from the deep connections I discovered I valued and craved.
It took more work by myself to start questioning why I’d stayed in that job for so long. What kept me there? The people. What bits did I love? Line management, appraisals, mentoring, encouraging.
It took coaching to remind me of a seed of an idea I’d had. One I’d come up with years earlier, when I’d had a rare day away from my children.
Most importantly, it took coaching to create a space that was safe enough to explore it. It wasn’t quick, it didn’t happen in the linear fashion presented above, it took work and it was so worth it.
I was content when I had my eldest daughter, when I became a mother. And I was eager for more. I then found contentment in another area of my life, and yet I still want more: I’ve found a career that I love AND I am eager to spread it to as many people as possible.
If you’re interested in a 30 minutes chemistry session with me to find out more about coaching and to see how we might work together, please get in touch. I’d love to hear your story and discover how we might find your gold.